LEAVING A LEGACY

I am a thirty-something, proudly South African single mom that lives where Madiba magic is alive! 

Following Madiba’s 93^rd birthday the past week on 18 July 2011, I have been inspired by his legacy to give something back to someone else. I have always had a yearning to make a positive contribution in other single parents lives, and trust that reading this blog will do just that.

Being a single parent can be extremely challenging, and if you haven’t been a single parent yourself, you will first have to walk a mile in those shoes to truly understand the demands of this role. Like a friend of mine once mentioned: “If you walk a mile in someone else’s shoe’s, you will be a mile away from them (thank goodness!) and you will want to give them their shoes back!” Lol J

I want to share my story, as our life stories become our legacy. Each of us has a story to tell and each of us have a legacy to leave. I hope that all of our stories as single parents will be inspiring – despite how sad they may have started and still may be - may we learn from it and from the mistakes we have made and apply those lessons to become better parents for our children.

During the past week, when Mr Nelson Mandela was asked if he had any regrets, having spent 27 years in prison, struggling for a cause that he believed in, his answer was: “I have no regrets, because the things I have done, have pleased my soul.”

May all of our souls be pleased by the things we do, despite our challenges, knowing that we are doing them for the greater good of a better society. Leaving a legacy that will live on in the lives of our children.

My soul is alive!

Single Sarah

ABOUT HOPE

I am starting this blog and struggling to find the right words to formulate my reasons why. There is a saying that goes something like this: “Do what you can with what you have. Everyone has something to give.” I thought I had nothing, but then I remembered my son, who I am, my intellect, hopes & dreams, my ideas, my passions, my beliefs, my talents, my intentions, my health,  my PC, mobile phone, car & status as a single mom. So for a start, I thought I’d put what I do have to work, and give what I have. (Except for my son, that is! )J

Today, I feel a little bit like J.K. Rowling on a train, many years ago, starting to write her first Harry Potter manuscript on the back of an old serviette, in the hope that this will help her to pay her rent and bills. What an amazing story of doing what you can with what you have, and what an amazing outcome to a very humble beginning!! Stories like this always bring tears to my eyes – stories of how people’s dreams became a reality and an amazing success story, despite the circumstances they were facing.

And maybe that is the main reason why I am starting this blog – to make my experience count. To give hope. To share the lessons that I have learnt on my journey, to share the knowledge that I have gained and to create an online platform for other single parents to share with, connect with and support each other.

Today, I have no money in my bank account, I do not have a place of my own to stay, my son is staying with a family member 800km away from me because of financial constraints, and my business came to a complete standstill. Very nice track record for a thirty-something lady!?

Today, neither myself or my son exists for my parents and I am being treated like a second class citizen by my younger sister. Given the fact that my parents are the only grandparents that my son knows and had a relationship with, that is quite a sad state of affairs. My brother is the one & only family member who keeps on hanging on to us, who sticks around no matter what, showering us with unconditional love.  I love him so much.

I am not feeling sorry for myself. And my spirit will not be crushed because of my circumstances. This is only my current reality. My spirit is so alive with hopes and dreams, & hope & hope & hope…. Did I mention hope? J

What is hope? It is the belief in a positive outcome despite the circumstances you are facing.

And I believe that a positive outcome is on its way!

Why do I find myself in these circumstances you might ask?

Because of my 13 year struggle as a single mom to obtain what is rightfully my child’s portion – his fair share of child maintenance. Because of the lengthy legal process to obtain child maintenance. (depending on the parties involved as well as the availability of courts) Because of Mr X constantly dragging me to court to reduce his maintenance payments, when there are no grounds for that, constantly loosing his battle, and me having to constantly pay legal fees, even when I win the case. (The Maintenance Act of 1998 makes no provision for the court to make orders in favor of legal costs for the winning party.) Because I have written off R20K of arrears maintenance monies in 2010, as my legal fees already amounted to a R100K. And lastly, because Mr X thinks he is above the law. Not a single legal remedy has up to now had the desired effect on him to be a real man and step up to his responsibilities. Despite the fact that he has been arrested once before in the past about this. Needless to say, for the 2011 period, Mr X is, once again, in arrears with his maintenance payments with a considerable amount of money, and my legal process will start all over again…

But I will gladly follow the legal process, once again, knowing that this time, maintenance payments will be taken out of Mr X’s control. I have nothing more to loose. Only my son to gain to stay with me again, and for him, I will do ANYTHING.

My son went 800km away from me on Monday, 18 July 2011. He left to go back to his new place of residence with my family member. The 3-week winter school holidays came to an end, and so also the 3 weeks I had my son with me. It felt like old times, good times, the way it should be, a mother & child reunion.

 I was very sad when he had to leave. I felt like loosing a part of myself. But I promised him and myself: this will NOT go on forever, there is always H O P E…

Single Sarah